"Only the Young" by Brandon Flowers

Song: "Only the Young" by: Brandon Flowers

Feeling: Hopeful

Description: Like the last entry I am not very happy about this one either, but again, oh well. Basically this one is supposedly about "hope" and the feeling of "hopefulness" but I don;t think I did a very good job in writing about that.
The song is by Brandon Flowers the lead singer of the band The Killers, one of my favorite bands. The song's name is "Only the Young". Like with most songs I don't know what Brandon Flowers wants to say exactly with his song, but I do know I feel pretty hopeful when I listen to it. So whether he's trying to transmit that or not, the story is about that.
Oh and the story, which I am not 100% pleased with how it turned out, is basically about a girl whose been through a lot and then this friend of hers talks to her  and they listen to a song and magically everything is okay and she is full of hope, because obviously that is how the real world works. >:( But anyways, enjoy. :)

Story:

            The rain came down hard against the window, the drops pattering on relentlessly as the sky cracked with lighting and rumbled with thunder.

            The weather looks annoyed.

            “I thought I’d find you here.” His voice snaps me to reality. Now I am annoyed. I didn’t exactly want to be found.  The reason I came up here in the middle of a thunderstorm in the first place.

            “Couldn’t you have thought wrong for once?” I snap bitterly. He chuckles and I hate him for it. Leave it to him to be cheerful right now.

            “I’m glad to see you too.” He responds as he sits beside me, his blonde hair is illuminated by a flash of lightning. It strikes in the reflection of his glasses and his eye blink I surprise as thunder rumbles close by. He fumbles with his iPod. I know he’s going to out on some Killers music, they’re his favorite band. And true to my statement he does. “Dustland Fairytale” begins to play and he hums happily to it. “So, remind me again why are we here?” He asks.

            I know the answer. At least I know the answer as to why I am here right now.. I am here because I can’t be anywhere else. Or to be more exact, I don’t want to be anywhere else. This is my little alcove from the world, my little shelter from all that threatens to drag me down. As to why he’s here, I don’t know.

            To my silence he asks another question. “Are you going to tell me what happened this time?” He asks me. It’s his attempt at getting me to talk. He should know me by now, I don’t exactly “talk” that easily.

            “How about… No.” I answer back, an edge to my voice. He sighs and chuckles again.

            “Well are you at least going to tell me what’s wrong?” He tries again. His blue eyes seem tired and I wonder if it’s because of me. It probably is. I am very good at making people tired, or annoyed or just plain angry. Actually I consider it a natural gift to mess things up. And I’ve gotten very good at it lately.

            But fact is I don’t want to mess him up. I don’t want him to get hurt because of me, not like the others have. He doesn’t deserve to be here, alone, with me, a 15 year old girl who snaps at every thing he says. He should be out there with people, he should be happy and laughing with his friends. Not cooped up trying to get me to say words I don’t even want to think of.

            But I have to answer his question because if he’s here with me then he at least deserves an answer, and I want to answer, to tell him. But I can’t. I’m scared. I hate to say it but I am downright terrified of having to say those words to him. Of having to tell him how guilty I feel.

I messed up. I messed up so badly and now I feel so guilty. I got so many people hurt just because I was stupid. I know what if I tell him he’ll say the same thing every one has. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault.”  And I’ll probably want to scream because it was my fault. Don’t they get it? I could have stopped everything from happening. But, no I had to let him go didn’t I? He was little and scared and I had to let him go. I can feel hot tears pushing at my eyelids.

Oh gosh, not now. I am not going to cry now.

            “I messed up” I say quietly. I don’t know how those words even made it out fo my mouth but my voice cracks under their weight as they stumble out of me. I look at him, at his caring blue eyes. They’ve never been a cold blue, they’ve always been a bright and warm one, and they’ve never looked so out of place in this dark world. “I messed up” I tell him.

            I hope he understands what I am trying to say with those two words. I hope he doesn’t as for more. Because then, I swear, I am going to loose it.

            He doesn’t. He doesn’t do anything he just smiles a sad little grin and looks at me. His eyes are still. “Hey, what ever happened, whose ever fault it was, you have to let it go. You have to move on.” He tells me.

            “How?” I demand. “How can you just tell me to do that, I can’t just let it go.” He shakes his head.

            The Killers is still playing. “Look back in silence, the cradle of your whole life, there in the distance loosing it’s greatest pride, Nothing is easy, nothing is sacred, why?”

            “You can,” He tells me. His eyes are sincere, and then I realize something else. He is being sincere. He’s not just spitting out his words to make me feel better. He’s not giving them to me so that I can comfort myself with them. No. He means them. He believes them, and for a moment I also do. For a moment the guilt that has been lying on my shoulders falls off and my breath doesn’t feel heavy anymore. My thoughts don’t feel pressed down because for the first time in a long time they’re not being clouded and slurred with the memories, nor the guilt, no, they’re free.

            “And there were people there, lovely as you’d ever care, tonight, maybe you can start again.”

            A small laugh is shaking my lungs and a smile parts my lips, because for the first time in a long time I feel safe. I feel relieved. I feel hopeful.

            “Laughing in the open air, have yourself another dream, tonight, maybe we can start again.” We sit there for a while in silence, no words coming from either of us we’re only listening until I finally break the trance with probably the nicest thing I’ve said all night.

            “Thanks.” I hope he gets what I am trying to say with that one word. I hope he understands how he helped me. I hope he doesn’t ask because I doubt I would be able to explain it.

            He doesn’t. Just like before he understands. He grins and nods.

            Other than that we say nothing. We go back to our small shells of silence to listen to the rain and the song and the sound of hope that seems to fill the air.

            The weather still looks annoyed, the stars are still hiding, thunder still growls and Brandon Flower’s voice is still singing.

            “Only the young can break away, break away

            Lost when the wind blows, on your own,

            Only the young can break away, break away

            Lost when the wind blows on your own,

            And the sun will shine again,

            And the sun will shine again”